【遠見X浩爾】和艾倫學幽默演講，三句話抓緊觀眾耳朵！

關鍵時刻，英文總是卡住？《遠見》與口譯專家「浩爾」強強聯手，帶你三分鐘升級英語競爭力！

浩爾所主持、每週一次的YouTube節目《英語溝通小學堂》，精采內容將收錄在《遠見》平台、每週二刊出，陪你一起找對方法學英語。

「人生不是一帆風順，重要的是要忠於自己。」本週的《英語溝通小學堂》，浩爾解析美國脫口秀主持人艾倫狄珍妮（Ellen DeGeneres）2009年在杜蘭大學所發表幽默風趣的畢業生演講。

向艾倫學習如何幽默開場，緊抓觀眾耳朵！

（此段影片教學▼點我▼）

Oh boy, thank you so much, thank you so much. Thank you, President Cowan, Mrs. President Cowen; distinguished guests, undistinguished guests, you know who you are, honored faculty and creepy Spanish teacher. And thank you to all the graduating Class of 2009, I realize most of you are hungover and have splitting headaches and haven’t slept since Fat Tuesday, but you can’t graduate ’til I finish, so listen up.

一開場，艾倫就先謝謝大家，也和大家問好。這段中她提到distinguished guests，指的是傑出的貴賓。這樣的用法也可以應用在不同的開場白演講中。而distinguished有優秀、傑出的意思。話鋒一轉，她開了小玩笑說，還有些不那麼傑出的貴賓undistinguished guests，後面還補了一句you know who you are你們自己知道。

她接續提到honored faculty尊敬的教職員，後面又再開玩笑說，還有creepy Spanish teacher怪怪的西班牙文老師。而且這裡還特別用單數指名，讓底下聽眾可以有帶入感。浩爾也解釋會特別指西班牙文老師的原因，正是它是美國最多人學的第一外語。

也謝謝所有畢業生，她也不免俗用幽默的方式說道，我知道你們大部分人還在hungover and have splitting headaches宿醉和頭痛欲裂。但是我一定要講完，你們才能畢業，所以仔細聽好listen up。

When I was asked to make the commencement speech, I immediately said yes. Then I went to look up what commencement meant, which would have been easy if I had a dictionary, but most of the books in our house are Portia’s, and they’re all written in Australian. So I had to break the word down myself, to find out the meaning.

從有趣的開場白結束後，艾倫接著用小故事講下去。她提到自己收到畢業演講邀請的故事，我馬上就答應了I immediately said yes。浩爾這邊也解釋可以看到艾倫所使用的句子都偏短，很容易讓聽眾抓到重點，不容易恍神和分心。

艾倫繼續說道，然後我馬上去查commencement是什麼意思。如果我有一本字典會簡單多了。look up指的是查找，commencement 有開始也有結束的意思。所以我必須把這個字拆開break the word down，才能了解它的意思。

Commencement: common, and cement, common cement. You commonly see cement on sidewalks. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother’s back. So there’s that. But I’m honored that you’ve asked me here to speak at your common cement.

這裡艾倫幽默地解釋Commencement的意思，那就是common普通的，和cement水泥。當然，這個歪理解釋，也引發台下哄堂大笑。我們常常在人行道上看到水泥，人行道上偶爾有裂縫，如果你踩到裂縫處，你會害你媽媽的背摔斷。並結尾，所以就是這樣So there’s that.。但我非常榮幸可以來這裡為你們的「普通水泥」進行一場演講。

僅情境配圖，取自pexel。

我和你們一樣迷茫！我曾擔心自己是同志，而不被觀眾喜歡

（此段影片教學▼點我▼）

I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus, alumini, aluminum, alumis; you had to graduate from this school. And I didn’t go to college here, and I don’t know if President Cowan knows, I didn’t go to any college at all, any college. And I’m not saying you wasted your time, or money, but look at me, I’m a huge celebrity.

接著，艾倫開始大玩「校友」的單複數變化。她就開玩笑地說，我以為要是很有名的校友才能夠來演講，而且還要從這間學校畢業。但我不是這個學校的校友，我根本沒有讀大學。我不是說你們在這裡浪費時間、浪費錢，但看看我，我現在是超紅的名人。

When I finished school, I was completely lost and by school, I mean middle school, but I went ahead and finished high school anyway. And I really, I had no ambition; I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I did everything from: I shucked oysters, I was a hostess, I was a bartender, I was a waitress, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners; I had no idea and I thought I’d just finally settle in some job and I would make enough money to pay my rent, maybe have basic cable, maybe not, I didn’t really have a plan.

中間艾倫也提到自己在小時候家境比較辛苦，接著她說當我從學校畢業後，我很迷茫，喔我這裡指的是國中。我真的沒什麼野心ambition，我不知道自己想做什麼。她曾做過各式工作，像是剝牡蠣、酒保、服務生、油漆工等等。我只是想要找份固定工作，賺取足夠的錢付房租。我根本毫無頭緒，I didn’t really have a plan.。

My point is that, by the time I was your age, I really thought I knew who I was but I had no idea. Like for example, when I was your age, I was dating men. So what I’m saying is, when you’re older, most of you will be gay. Is anybody writing this stuff down? Parents?

前面艾倫鋪陳了許多玩笑，而想切入重點，可以說My point is that，我想說的重點是。當我在你們這個年紀時，真的以為我很瞭解自己，但我根本一無所知。像是我曾經和男生約會，台下聽眾也大笑，因為艾倫是女同志。

艾倫也接續補充，當我19歲時一場悲劇的發生，讓我走上現在這條路。那時我的女友在一場車禍中喪生。我不斷地想，為什麼她突然消失，但是房間裡的跳蚤還在？我始終無法理解。如果我能打電話給上帝，不是簡單多了？

從那時開始，她也開始寫下想像中與上帝對話的笑話。艾倫也說，自己的脫口秀生涯，雖然很成功，但過程也非常艱辛。因為我試著取悅每個人，但也有個秘密：那就是我是同志。我想，如果觀眾發現我是同志，將不會再喜歡我，或是欣賞我的演出。

僅情境配圖，取自pexel。

最後，忠於你自己，一切都會否極泰來！

（此段影片教學▼點我▼）

But my idea of success is different today. And as you grow, you’ll realize the definition of success changes. For many of you, today, success is being able to hold down 20 shots of tequila. For me, the most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity and not to give into peer pressure to try to be something that you’re not, to live your life as an honest and compassionate person, to contribute in some way. So to conclude my conclusion, follow your passion, stay true to yourself. Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path and by all means you should follow that.

來到演講的尾聲，艾倫提到她再也無法忍受生活在羞恥和恐懼中，因此她決定出櫃。她也分享幾點建議，不要因為同儕壓力peer pressure而去偽裝自己，也鼓勵大家做一個誠實honest且有同情心compassionate的人，並以某種方式貢獻contribute自己。

艾倫總結自己所說的，趣味用到So to conclude my conclusion。浩爾也解釋其實這是比較趣味的說法，因為通常大家不會這樣用。接著，她濃縮建議，以三個短句和畢業生分享：追隨自己的熱情、忠於自我、不要追隨別人的步伐。

本文轉載自遠見雜誌